A sea of unbelief

Father, praise you. I have been so concerned with the budget, etc. I have been anxious and nervous, but, you have been reassuring me. You have been guiding and comforting me. Thank you. This life you give us is very, very alive in your spirit. Thank you. Forgive me for my doubt and anxiety, Father….. but if you lack wisdom, ask God, who gives generously without finding fault and he will give it to you. But, when you ask, you must believe, because the man who does not believe is like a wave tossed to and fro on the ocean. That man should not expect anything, he is double minded and unstable in all he does.

James 1:4-6

4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

We are in a sea of unbelief!! I know that I am. I read and read the scriptures. I take time to pray and find myself in His presence on a more consistent basis, but, I worry about my circumstances: That contract was just cancelled. That creditor just called again and I promise to pay, but, will I be able to? I need new tires on the car. Will it hold out and not strand my family along the highway some night, somewhere where they’ll be in danger? I believe you, Lord, help my unbelief. And, on Sunday; I know I am to give 10%. It is in my heart to give based upon what I believe, what the Holy Spirit is telling me and I joyfully want to give………… but, does my budget support that? I’m blatantly giving an amount that is …………….. a lot of money when we haven’t paid the tax bill just yet and I don’t know if we will be able to at the end of the month. And if I do pay it at the end of the month, will I have enough for the next month without going further and further into debt? Oh, wretched man that I am, who can save me from this body of death…………………. Thanks be to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

During the tithe collection on Sunday, I asked my wife to make the check out. How much, she said… hold on, I said…. I’m praying.. I’m praying.. I’m wrestling in my body and mind; “how much did I put in the budget? Oh, yeah, was it $200? No, I believe it was $384. Yeah, that’s right. I was making it up from last month and the first part of this month because I ignored the tithe when doing this ‘skimpy’ budget for May”. I remember my thoughts when doing it…. ‘you know, you have not given the tithe. You postponed it. You put it forward to the end of April, then to the end of May and it had grown to $1,000. Gee, that’s a lot of money and it could pay a lot of the bills due. I wonder if God would mind if we don’t give this time, but, skip a month and use it to pay off some lingering bills?” “No,” I remember telling myself, “I am cheating God. He is the author of our lives. He is the one that gives us the income/salary that we have ‘already’ received and I have not given the first fruits. I know what my heart is telling me. Give to the Lord … first. I wrestle and wrestle and….” Now it’s Sunday morning and my wife is waiting as the plate gets closer and closer… “alright, it’s $384, Honey.” Back to prayer as the plate is right there…. In my mind; “Stop, no, wait, don’t put it in, Honey.” “What should I do? Oh, my goodness, what should I do?” I hear the words of the pastor. I can’t recall exactly what the words were, but, he was encouraging the congregation to honor the Lord, or words to that effect, to give back to Him, or something like that. It validated and reassured me that it was His money. It was His provision for us and He calls us to faith in Him. This $384 was exhibiting faith in Him!!! He was the one that ensured the contracts were signed, the bills were paid, the food was on the table, the tires would hold out and my family kept SAFE!!

“Yes, give the $384! Yes, honor Him for all He has done! Yes, He is faithful and will provide for our needs… “

I pray with my daughter the next morning for Him to help provide for our needs. I get a call @ about 2 PM that day…. “Bill, would you want to do a tournament in Johnson City?” YES!!! No check, yet, but, He is able…………………….

Philippians 4

1 Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!

Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Amen